Thread: using donor eggs 45+

Hi everyone! I'm new here, I'm 44. Last year I had failed try of IVF with my own eggs. Now doctors say I need to use donor eggs. This is my only chance to become a mother. My husband and I discussed this option. We've been thinking about it for a couple of months now. But both of us feel like we are not mentally ready for this step. It will be a child from a stranger... Kind of... But still it will be my dh baby. I'm confused. How will I feel about this child? Maybe that's just because of the lack of information. Maybe I'm stupid and don't get it right. It would be great to talk to someone who underwent this process and knows the whole procedure. How do you feel now after you were carrying them 9 months and gave birth and they call you "mommy"? What do you feel towards your babies?

OP, you think too much! Your baby won't understand that egg is not yours) You should start thinking differently! This will be your child. You will devote your whole life to this baby. You will love this child more than anyone else in the world. To be honest when I had de ivf I had similar thoughts. But my doc said a great thing. "You'll give birth to this child, you will be her mother. She will be only yours and your husband’s child. It's just that you had to go through such a difficult path to achieve this". And I'm grateful for these words. Believe me, when you'll see your baby for the first time you'll forget about donor stuff. My daughter is almost 3. I don't regret I had de ivf. The most important is I carried her and felt her pushing inside.

Originally Posted by kiraOD

OP, you think too much! Your baby won't understand that egg is not yours) You should start thinking differently! This will be your child. You will devote your whole life to this baby. You will love this child more than anyone else in the world. To be honest when I had de ivf I had similar thoughts. But my doc said a great thing. "You'll give birth to this child, you will be her mother. She will be only yours and your husband’s child. It's just that you had to go through such a difficult path to achieve this". And I'm grateful for these words. Believe me, when you'll see your baby for the first time you'll forget about donor stuff. My daughter is almost 3. I don't regret I had de ivf. The most important is I carried her and felt her pushing inside.

Thank you so much for your support! I really needed to hear those words. I'm starting to think about this process differently thanks to such posts as yours. Your doctor is a very wise person! My congratulations with you becoming a mom! I'm so happy to know about your experience! May I ask you a couple of questions? How did you find your donor? What did you consider in your search? I'll appreciate any information!

I've already shared my thoughts with you. As you know I was in your shoes. I felt the same. Now I'm sure I'll enjoy motherhood! I don't even think about donor. I only think about upcoming transfer, pregnancy and birth of MY baby. I'm sure you'll have same feelings!

Originally Posted by Jessica

I've already shared my thoughts with you. As you know I was in your shoes. I felt the same. Now I'm sure I'll enjoy motherhood! I don't even think about donor. I only think about upcoming transfer, pregnancy and birth of MY baby. I'm sure you'll have same feelings!

Thank you so much for your kind response. Your words made me feel much better! Now I'm more into the procedure. I still have some thoughts running into my mind. Despite them I feel more confident in to using donor eggs. Now I am busy with the search. I should say there is so much information and all of it is so confusing. Also I found out about age limits and it kind of scared me. It turned out that each country has specific age limit for donor eggs recipient. This number varies from 45 to 50 years old. It suddenly crossed my mind that I have no time to waste! I will turn 45 soon. There is no time to think if this option is right for me or if I'm really ready for it. There is no time to waste on doubts and confusions. So now I'm fully on board! I talked to my hubby and he also thinks we should go for it.

Hello everyone who is following my thread! I'm sorry I wasn’t active these few days. Now I’m back. I have some thoughts running through my mind and I decided to share them with you. I should say last couple of days I wasn't in a mood to post anything as I was feeling a little bit stressed. Last couple of weeks I was really busy. I had to visit two baby showers! That's crazy how many baby showers I visited during all these years! But I didn't have my own which makes me so sad. At first I thought not to go but the idea that very soon I might have my own baby shower gave me strength. Also the hardest part of it is to choose presents. I should say it can be very painful. And also usually people talk about their children on such events. I should say everything which considers baby shower is hard for me now. How do you cope with pregnancy announcements and baby showers? What give you strength to go through that? I should say for me it was always hard. I think I will be able to enjoy such parties only when I'll have my own child. But last few days I was completely absorbed by all these thoughts.

Originally Posted by noreen

I really do not see anything wrong with this. If the doctors told you that it is the only option then go for it. Unless you will be satisfied not having children. Remember you will carry the pregnancy for 9 months. So it is just a procedure like any other. No one else will know to, unless you tell them. The feeling will just be the same. You will go through morning sickness. You will just experience what any other mother will experience. You will feel the pain of giving birth. That child will must be yours. Furthermore, nay clinics do not allow the donor and the one who will use the donor eggs know each other. This will be simple in your side. That means the owner of the egg cannot track you back later. You can also raise your child knowing that you are the mother. Of course you will show her or him pictures when you were pregnant. And your husband will be the real father. So there is nothing really to worry about.

Hello! Thank you so much for your kind response. Your words made me feel much better! Now I'm more into the procedure. I still have some thoughts running into my mind. Despite them I feel more confident in to using donor eggs. I'm sorry for my late reply. I wasn't active for a while. I was busy with the search. I should say there is so much information and all of it is so confusing. Also I found out about age limits and it kind of scared me. It turned out that each country has specific age limit for donor eggs recipient. This number varies from 45 to 50 years old. It suddenly crossed my mind that I have no time to waste! I will turn 45 soon. There is no time to think if this option is right for me or if I'm really ready for it. There is no time to waste on doubts and confusions. So now I'm fully on board! I talked to my hubby and he also thinks we should go for it.

I really do not see anything wrong with this. If the doctors told you that it is the only option then go for it. Unless you will be satisfied not having children. Remember you will carry the pregnancy for 9 months. Bio texcom and give you detailed information concerning the same. They have the best services at an affordable prices that there 2018 economy package is running out. So it is just a procedure like any other. No one else will know to, unless you tell them. The feeling will just be the same. You will go through morning sickness. You will just experience what any other mother will experience. You will feel the pain of giving birth. That child will must be yours. Furthermore, many clinics do not allow the donor and the one who will use the donor eggs know each other. This will be simple in your side. That means the owner of the egg cannot track you back later. You can also raise your child knowing that you are the mother. Of course you will show her or him pictures when you were pregnant. And your husband will be the real father. So there is nothing really to worry about.

HI,

There is nothing worry about it! Usually you an option either you can get all the details about the donor's identity or not. The difference if the price. Talking form my own experience. Not sure about other clinics since I have been to Intersono in Ukraine, Uzhgorod. I really was amazed by the doctors since they gave the best service I could really wish for. Intersono I jsut posted their link for you to get a better overview

@sunnysky
How are you doing? I'm just curious if you have decided anything yet.
I can realte to all your story as mine was pretty much the same. I faced POF at 36 and that meant I only can become pregnant with donor eggs (my ovaries are dead). I was thunderstruck. The thing is I don't have a partner and you know I had no one to support me those days. I thought I would raise stranger's child or stay childless till the end of my days. The first option sounded better to me so I started my research on egg donation. As a result I had one donor egg cycle but failed to get pregnant. I haven't chosen neither an egg donor, nor sperm donor. You can imagine how weird this was to think about my future baby not knowing whose eggs and sperm were used to create that embryo inside me. I then decided that I do want to know at least something about donors and this became the man criterion for new search.
Now I'm with a clinic that provided not only info but also photos and short movies with egg donors. The first cycle with them failed as well but I paid for 2 attempts, so hope the next round will do.
A parent is the one who raised a baby I start think like this more and more often. It's not the one who gives birth or whose biological material is used, no. It's the one who raises, cares and loves despite everything. Don't forget it