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    Looking for answers on ivf with donor eggs

    Hello! My name is Jessica. I'm 36 yo, married, no kids. I came here to find support, some advice and of course information about infertility and ivf. The reason why I have to use donor eggs is premature menopause. I feel like I'm not ready for such a big step. I know almost nothing about this procedure. That's why it scares me so much! I'm confused. I hope you will help me to puzzle out this question.

    We've been always dreaming about having children. We wanted to get on our feet, to buy our own house, to create family and environment where we could bring up our kids. Both my husband and I are from shelter. We don't have relatives who could help us with finances or babysit our children while we at work. We have only each other who we can count for.

    We've started ttc a year ago. I've noticed menstrual disorders. At first delay of my periods I thought that we were pregnant. But test was negative. We kept on trying but no result. I knew that something is wrong with me. I was so scared to go to the doctor and hear that I'm infertile. But this happened. I was diagnosed with premature menopause. I was told that my ovaries no longer release eggs which needed to conceive. That was a really heartbreaking moment.

    My only option is to use eggs of a donor. I have so many thoughts and doubts. How will I feel about a baby from an egg donor? Will I love it as my own? Will I be able to feel it is my child? What if my baby decides to find this donor? What if my baby hates me because of this procedure? I'm so scared. I hope you will share some experiences and advices with me. Thank you in advance!

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    Junior Member ViktoriA's Avatar
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    Hi Jessica! How are you dear? How is your journey going? Have you decided on de ivf? I don't know if you still read this thread. I've just joined this board though. It's been awhile since you posted. But I have some experience in this whole de ivf thing so I'll try to help. Hope you're still reading this.
    First of all I want to say that I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I understand your confusion. This is so hard when you face infertility and nothing helps. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 19 yo. I've been in treatments for years and zero result. I was lost. I didn't know what else to do to make all work. I was looking at my friends who were getting pregnant and gave births. I was constantly asking myself "Why me? Why nothing works?" I've tried so hard. Each time I believed with my whole heart and soul that "this treatment will help for sure". And each failure was breaking me completely. To be honest sometimes I have thoughts to stop fighting and accept childless life.
    Now I'm happy I didn't give up and continue to go for my dream. I'm pregnant and I'll become the happiest mother in the whole world very soon. I've already shared some thoughts in the other of your thread. But I want to add that you will forget all your doubts as soon as you know you're pregnant! You'll love your child! You won't feel child's not yours because it will be your child! You will carry your baby, you will spend 9 months talking and singing to your baby, you will give birth. And as it was said in that research you've posted about - mothers who use donor eggs DO pass their DNA to their children! Even though I didn't hear about it earlier I still knew the baby is mine and I'm the one and only mother of my baby. We used anonymous egg donor so it'll be impossible for our child to find our donor. We are still thinking if we tell our baby about egg donor. Anyway we have time to decide) The most important is to find correct words to explain your child this truth. There is a lot of info in the internet so it won't be so difficult to find the right words. IVF with donor egg is not a crime or something negative to hate. It's a way of infertility treatment. I'm sure your child won't hat you for this!
    I hope I helped a bit) I'll be waiting for your updates! Wish you best of luck xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by ViktoriA View Post
    Hi Jessica! How are you dear? How is your journey going? Have you decided on de ivf? I don't know if you still read this thread. I've just joined this board though. It's been awhile since you posted. But I have some experience in this whole de ivf thing so I'll try to help. Hope you're still reading this.
    First of all I want to say that I'm sorry about your diagnosis. I understand your confusion. This is so hard when you face infertility and nothing helps. I was diagnosed with PCOS when I was 19 yo. I've been in treatments for years and zero result. I was lost. I didn't know what else to do to make all work. I was looking at my friends who were getting pregnant and gave births. I was constantly asking myself "Why me? Why nothing works?" I've tried so hard. Each time I believed with my whole heart and soul that "this treatment will help for sure". And each failure was breaking me completely. To be honest sometimes I have thoughts to stop fighting and accept childless life.
    Now I'm happy I didn't give up and continue to go for my dream. I'm pregnant and I'll become the happiest mother in the whole world very soon. I've already shared some thoughts in the other of your thread. But I want to add that you will forget all your doubts as soon as you know you're pregnant! You'll love your child! You won't feel child's not yours because it will be your child! You will carry your baby, you will spend 9 months talking and singing to your baby, you will give birth. And as it was said in that research you've posted about - mothers who use donor eggs DO pass their DNA to their children! Even though I didn't hear about it earlier I still knew the baby is mine and I'm the one and only mother of my baby. We used anonymous egg donor so it'll be impossible for our child to find our donor. We are still thinking if we tell our baby about egg donor. Anyway we have time to decide) The most important is to find correct words to explain your child this truth. There is a lot of info in the internet so it won't be so difficult to find the right words. IVF with donor egg is not a crime or something negative to hate. It's a way of infertility treatment. I'm sure your child won't hat you for this!
    I hope I helped a bit) I'll be waiting for your updates! Wish you best of luck xx
    Hello! Thank you for your kind response. I was thinking about de for a really long time. Now I know that I really want to have de ivf. I'm comforted that you are feeling the same as I am. I really needed someone to listen to me and to hear me. Every single one of my close friends is pregnant or have children, my sisters, sister in law, cousins. It's so unbearable. When 2 of my best friends told me they were pregnant & of course conceived straight away, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. One of my best friends has had her 2nd baby (conceived straight away) & all she does is moan about tiredness or feeling unwell. I would love nothing more than that. I feel so angry at times that itís taken for granted & as much as I love her, I need to distance myself from her as itís too hard to be around. I found recently others for constantly posting pictures on social media of their children as if to gloat. Do they have no awareness of those that may not be able to conceive? For those desperately trying? I feel like people just donít see.

    I'm so happy for you! Your story makes me believe that mine will also be so positive. I'm so grateful for your support and advices. I really needed someone to tell me all these things! All this made me stronger with my decision. Could you please share more details about your de ivf? Where did you have it? How much it costed? How many attempts of ivf did you have? I with be grateful for any information! I'm looking for an agency/clinic now, but I'm at a loss. Reviews and opinions are so controversial. This is so hard to decide which place to choose. Hope for your help!

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    Junior Member ViktoriA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica View Post
    Hello! Thank you for your kind response. I was thinking about de for a really long time. Now I know that I really want to have de ivf. I'm comforted that you are feeling the same as I am. I really needed someone to listen to me and to hear me. Every single one of my close friends is pregnant or have children, my sisters, sister in law, cousins. It's so unbearable. When 2 of my best friends told me they were pregnant & of course conceived straight away, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. One of my best friends has had her 2nd baby (conceived straight away) & all she does is moan about tiredness or feeling unwell. I would love nothing more than that. I feel so angry at times that itís taken for granted & as much as I love her, I need to distance myself from her as itís too hard to be around. I found recently others for constantly posting pictures on social media of their children as if to gloat. Do they have no awareness of those that may not be able to conceive? For those desperately trying? I feel like people just donít see.

    I'm so happy for you! Your story makes me believe that mine will also be so positive. I'm so grateful for your support and advices. I really needed someone to tell me all these things! All this made me stronger with my decision. Could you please share more details about your de ivf? Where did you have it? How much it costed? How many attempts of ivf did you have? I with be grateful for any information! I'm looking for an agency/clinic now, but I'm at a loss. Reviews and opinions are so controversial. This is so hard to decide which place to choose. Hope for your help!
    I know exactly what you are talking about! All that pregnancy talks while you are struggling infertility are so exhausting. Posts of kid's photos in social media made me so depressed. I understand that my friends were not doing it to make me feel bad. They just don't get it, how we feel or what we are going through. I'm happy to see them happy, but... but that was too hard.

    Now it's a lot easier for me. Now my perception of the world is completely different. I feel happiness. Finally after so many years I feel good and I'm positive on daily basis. Before my de ivf journey I was angry all the time, I was sad and stressed. I hated so many things, I didn't go outside much, I was just sitting at home and thinking how miserable I am. I'm really glad all that is over. I'll become mother very soon and I'm enjoying my life! I'm sure you'll feel the same very soon.

    It's so nice to know I could help you a bit. My journey started in European clinic. I'm really glad we chose to go abroad. Not only we saved some money for our child, but also the clinic made everything for us to enjoy the process. We used Ukrainian clinic. There are many clinics of reproductive medicine there, but ours is working with foreign patients. They provided us with translator and apartment which was really nice. We had to care about nothing but our ivf. We had a package with 2 tries. I've got pregnant from the first one. We paid Ä6.900 for all services. This price includes translator, housing, food supply and of course de ivf itself. Our clinic is called Biotexcom. There is much information about it. I'd advise you to check their website. You can find all needed info there. This clinic has high success rates. It was a major factor which convinced us to choose it. If you have any questions or just want to talk you know where to find me!

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    Quote Originally Posted by ViktoriA View Post
    I know exactly what you are talking about! All that pregnancy talks while you are struggling infertility are so exhausting. Posts of kid's photos in social media made me so depressed. I understand that my friends were not doing it to make me feel bad. They just don't get it, how we feel or what we are going through. I'm happy to see them happy, but... but that was too hard.

    Now it's a lot easier for me. Now my perception of the world is completely different. I feel happiness. Finally after so many years I feel good and I'm positive on daily basis. Before my de ivf journey I was angry all the time, I was sad and stressed. I hated so many things, I didn't go outside much, I was just sitting at home and thinking how miserable I am. I'm really glad all that is over. I'll become mother very soon and I'm enjoying my life! I'm sure you'll feel the same very soon.

    It's so nice to know I could help you a bit. My journey started in European clinic. I'm really glad we chose to go abroad. Not only we saved some money for our child, but also the clinic made everything for us to enjoy the process. We used Ukrainian clinic. There are many clinics of reproductive medicine there, but ours is working with foreign patients. They provided us with translator and apartment which was really nice. We had to care about nothing but our ivf. We had a package with 2 tries. I've got pregnant from the first one. We paid Ä6.900 for all services. This price includes translator, housing, food supply and of course de ivf itself. Our clinic is called Biotexcom. There is much information about it. I'd advise you to check their website. You can find all needed info there. This clinic has high success rates. It was a major factor which convinced us to choose it. If you have any questions or just want to talk you know where to find me!
    Iím sorry for my late response. I had some personal problems and I had no time(and no mood) to post anything. My search stuck, but now Iím back! I hope youíre still visiting this forum. I feel exactly the same now as you did before the pregnancy. I hope with my whole heart everything will change for me as well. I want to finally start enjoying my life, feeling happy and making my husband happy. Sadness and hate inside me is just destroying me and my life. I'm tired to feel sorry for myself. Thank you for sharing this info. I'll pay attention to everything you've told. I have so many questions for you! I hope you don't mind. How exactly did you choose the clinic? There are many of them. This is very hard to choose I should say. What convinced you? I know that you choose it because the clinic works with foreign patients and has high success rates. And also price seems pretty reasonable. Especially if to take into consideration the fact that the price includes translator, housing, food supply and the procedure. But how did you understand that your clinic is exactly what you are looking for? What criteria did you consider?

    Also I'm interested how did you choose your donor? How your clinic selects their donors? Do they use fresh or frozen embryos? It would be nice to choose donor. I really would like to know how she looks like. To be honest I want to choose a donor who looks like me. Not exactly the same, I understand it's impossible. But at list I want my donor to have some of my features. It would be great! Well thanks a lot dear. I hope I'm not bothering you! I'll wait for your reply.
    Last edited by Jessica; 25th October 2017 at 09:08 PM.

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    You have nothing to worry about dear. Sometimes situations push us to unexpected scenarios like in your case. I ma sorry that you are going through that. Although just note that there are many people who have been through similar situations. I know of a couple that went for 15 years TTC. So let that be a motivation. When it comes to your child, he or she will understand. You do not have any other option. Unless you want to go for adoption. And when you are having an egg donation via IVF. You will be carrying the pregnancy. So it will be hard for anyone to know which egg you used. Unless you decide to tell the yourself. You can decide not to tell your child that is. Furthermore, you can go for unanimous egg donation. This is when you do not know who donated the egg. Even the one who donated the egg will not know you. In simple terms the two of you will not know each other. So later in life the child will not know the real parent. But the father will be your husband. That means the child is just yours too. You can find more answers at Bio texcom clinic in Kiev. They have the best services they are even running out of 2018 economy package because many people are buying them.

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    Junior Member ViktoriA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jessica View Post
    Iím sorry for my late response. I had some personal problems and I had no time(and no mood) to post anything. My search stuck, but now Iím back! I hope youíre still visiting this forum. I feel exactly the same now as you did before the pregnancy. I hope with my whole heart everything will change for me as well. I want to finally start enjoying my life, feeling happy and making my husband happy. Sadness and hate inside me is just destroying me and my life. I'm tired to feel sorry for myself. Thank you for sharing this info. I'll pay attention to everything you've told. I have so many questions for you! I hope you don't mind. How exactly did you choose the clinic? There are many of them. This is very hard to choose I should say. What convinced you? I know that you choose it because the clinic works with foreign patients and has high success rates. And also price seems pretty reasonable. Especially if to take into consideration the fact that the price includes translator, housing, food supply and the procedure. But how did you understand that your clinic is exactly what you are looking for? What criteria did you consider?

    Also I'm interested how did you choose your donor? How your clinic selects their donors? Do they use fresh or frozen embryos? It would be nice to choose donor. I really would like to know how she looks like. To be honest I want to choose a donor who looks like me. Not exactly the same, I understand it's impossible. But at list I want my donor to have some of my features. It would be great! Well thanks a lot dear. I hope I'm not bothering you! I'll wait for your reply.
    Hello Jess! How are you? How is your journey going? Of course I'll answer your questions. I'm sorry for late reply. I was super busy last couple of months. There was a lot going on in my life recently. I have absolutely no time to come here. But finally I'm back! I should say it was not easy at all when I was looking for a clinic. Not only I learned by heart all websites with lists of clinics and what they propose, but also I read so many forums and reviews to be sure we'll go to the right place. The main things we were considering were price, using of fresh eggs, criteria by which donors are chosen, rates of success and some general services. It was also important for us that the procedure is anonymous. So there will be no "I-am-your-real-mom-situation" in future.

    Our doctor and program coordinator helped us to choose a donor. We made a list of features which we'd like our donor to have. Basing on our list, they chose 3 donors and eventually we chose the one which suited the most. We used fresh eggs. Opinions differ, but as far as I know fresh eggs are better and with them chances to gp are higher.

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    Hello dear! I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I faced infertility. I know how it feels when no one around understand your feelings. They just don't get it. For them giving birth was easy peasy lemon squeezy. They don't even imagine how hard ttc is for us. We were trying for 9 years before I got pregnant. And all that time while we were trying I heard those words. "Stop trying so hard", "pregnancy is all you're thinking about", "just concentrate on something else" etc. Those words were driving me crazy. It seemed to me no one understood what I'm going through. They were getting pregnant and giving birth one after another. And I was just staying there apart from them and didn't understand what am I doing wrong? When I finally got pregnant I was over the moon. My husband and I were so happy. We couldn't believe that it's finally our turn to become parents. We were sure everything will be perfect. We believed we deserved to finally be happy. I didnít even catch a moment when everything went wrong. I had suffered from internal bleeding, which doctors have not diagnosed in time. So on the seventh month of pregnancy placental abruption occurred. Doctors had to remove the fetus along with the uterus. It's been 3 years already... But it feels like it was yesterday. I still can't hold back my tears when I think about it. Even now I'm crying like crazy. Everyone keeps telling me "just let it go", "you will get better soon", "just distract yourself ", "it happens to many women", "there is nothing you can do about it so leave it in the past". It is so easy for them to tell that things. They don't even understand that those words make the situation for me even worse. I can't let it go. I will feel and carry this pain through my whole life. There is nothing in this world which can distract me or make me to forget. I just hope that with time I will be able to somehow control this pain and my emotions. That's why we decided that it's time for us to move on. I feel like surrogacy will give us a chance to live but not exist in pain.

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    Hi,

    I am very sad to hear about it from you. A friend of mine had the similar situation. They went for egg transplantation to Belgium. First Egg Bank is one of the largest egg bank in Europe who offer several options of the treatment. Maybe you should try to give them a call at least? All the doctors are very professional and reliable and I am pretty sure they will be able to guide you. Here is their email info@first-egg-bank.com
    Last edited by sofiamanuela; 16th April 2018 at 10:42 PM.

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